oohh, little ol’ me? - Imgur
I really need to sleep
but I’ve got so much on my mind tonight. Actually, I’ve had these things on my mind for some time but I’m really being moved by them tonight. I’m graduating high school next Friday. I feel like Katniss at the end of Mocking Jay where she asks herself “Real, or unreal?” all the time. I can’t believe it’s actually happening to me. I feel like I’ve earned every bit of the enjoyment and excitement leading up to commencement. I feel like I’ve earned every bit of influence I have on this school because I truly have changed, especially recently, into someone who has faults and makes mistakes but ultimately knows who he is, what he stands for, and how to live a happy life.
On the other hand, I don’t feel old enough or ready enough. I feel like I’m going to be completely unprepared for college because of my studying and living habits that I currently have. I feel terrified to have to make all new friends and I’m so afraid that I’m going to lose some of the friendships I cherish right now.
Speaking of fear (pardon my rambling), I’m terrified by two things more than anything lately. Those two things are, 1. Regrets 2. What ifs?. I’m so scared that I’m going to regret not the things I’ve done but what I haven’t. The things I should have done to help people and more importantly, the things I should have said. I want, no, I NEED to tell people, especially one person currently, how much they truly mean to me but I’m too afraid of things going differently than any of the 4,000,000 scenarios I’ve thought up. I have heard week after week at youth group about the difference between faith and fear, about perseverance, and about giving something one last shot. None of those messages have stopped stirring my heart but I’m so afraid having bad timing that I’m risking living in a world of regrets. I need to much more courageous than I am. I don’t want to live regretting anything that I’ve done and I sure as hell don’t want to wonder “what if?” about things that I didn’t do anything to change.
This whole post really has no point to it, I just needed to get it out. I’m terrified and I hate it. There, that’s my point.
“If youth is the season of hope, it is often so only in the sense that our elders are hopeful about us; for no age is so apt as youth to think its emotions, partings, and resolves are the last of their kind. Each crisis seems final, simply because it is new.”
― George Eliot, Middlemarch
"She was really nice and really hot and I had absolutely no reason not to like her. Except that I can’t stop thinking about you. I like you. A lot. And I just want to spend every second I can with you or around you. I just want you."
- Matt Saracen - Friday Night Lights (via carpite-momentum)
No matter what happens… no matter where you go… no matter what you do… I’m always going to be behind you. Always and always and always…
- Friday Night Lights, 03x13- Tomorrow Blues
(via prettylittletexanrebel)
"A lot of people get so hung up on what they can’t have that they don’t think for a second about whether they really want it."
- Lionel Shriver, Checker and the Derailleurs (via mysuperamazinglife)
(via mysuperamazinglife)
